Jump to content


Photo

I am so done...


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 pattycakes57

pattycakes57

    Big Cat

  • Member +
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,360 posts

Posted 28 May 2012 - 06:32 PM

I've been reading Oneness's thread, Prudence's threads along with others, and I can honestly say, that I'm SO TOTATLLY DONE with thinking about this crap any longer.

I'm sitting here day after day, replaying the events that happened between us in my mind. From day ONE, our "relationship" was doomed. After hearing those fateful words, "I ALWAYS thought of us as 'friends with benefits'" equates to, "I was never 'in love' with you", even though he SAID he was, only weeks earlier than his 'bomb'.

Right now, I only have anger for him. And I would RESENT anyone who would try to 'persuade' me to believing that my anger is somehow 'displaced' or 'unnecessary'. I'm angry at HIM. I'm angry at HER. When he told me that he "always thought of us as FWB" my first thought was, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" But I'm not that much of an idiot. I KNOW that if he was honest from me from the get-go, that he probably knows that I WOULD have made different choices....

...which wouldn't have benefited HIM very much.

I have thought about our entire "relationship" over the past few months. I suppose he really didn't treat me like a g/f. But once again....IF he TRULY didn't feel that way, then either's he was lying during our relationship, or he was lying when he told me what he told me when we broke up. The funny thing is, that I asked him SEVERAL TIMES if he treated his exw. the same way he treated me. He told me that is exw. "wasn't very affectionate". Yet, I found HIM to not be very "affectionate" outside of the bedroom. What's the TRUTH? Was it ME or was it HIM? I'm getting to the point where I don't care any more....

All I know is how he treated ME. And, like other men, they seem to allow their wallet to do their "thinking" for them. As long as they are supplying a roof over your head, that's ALL they have to do.

I recently got in touch with my mom. I told her what has been going on. We've been estranged for abou 7 years. As soon as I told her what has been happening in my life, she sent me a sizable check to help me through. I tried talking to my exb/f about my own choices in my life...that I was at a 'crossroad'...he never seemed to be involved. His attitude was that *I* had to deal with *my* life, and HE had to deal with his own. Now, if there was an understaning that we WERE FWB, I could understand that. But since he had told me that he loved me...even told me he wanted to marry me (albeit, while drunk......but that's a different post, lol
!) how in the WORLD can someone 'change' from one thing to another?

Sorry, but my "bottom line" is this right now. I'm P*SSED. I'm P*SSED at someone could be so cold who used to seem a bit more "warm". I'm P*SSED to hear 'her' write or say something like, she "doesn't want to hurt Pattycakes", and then not GIVE A DAM* that she did. She KNEW that her involvement with him would 'interfere'. I'm P*ssed at HIM for deciding to go with HER, and not even trying to talk to ME about what's bothering him...cuz I could almost guarantee you all, that he probably NEVER even TRIED to talk to me about what's bothering him. He's the kind of person who believes that you should just "be yourself"....and that if he doesn't LIKE what you do, it's o.k. for him to simply say, "Bye!"

And I dont' plan on NOT being P*SSED for a while. I'll be P*ssed until I'm not P*ssed anymore, and that's al there is to it. I don't want to hear about how I "should't be angry"...or that "I'm only hurting myself by being angry"...

Gosh darn it, I AM. P*SSED!! And I want to be p*ssed for as long as it takes me to be UNp*ssed!

My stbxh "should" tell the WORLD that he married me because he KNEW that if he didn't, that I probably wouldn't have sex with him.....................which he DID eventually TELL ME. And my ex b/f should tell the WoRLD that he was only interested him having sex with me....and his new g/f should tell me that she really didn't GIVE A DAM* how *I* felt about 'her' involvement in my ex/s life....and that she was SELFISH for trying to 'get him'....

I'm sure I'll eventually 'get over' all of this...but for NOW, I'm just P*ssed. Sometimes we just need to be ANGRY at these people. For a time...

I know I'll eventually 'get over it'. But right now, I'm just P*SSED!

I think Oneness and a few others can understand. I'm so done with HIM. I'm just not done with being P*SSED at him, yet! Just give me a few moments....

Pattycakes

#2 oneness

oneness

    Little Kitty

  • Member +
  • PipPip
  • 380 posts

Posted 28 May 2012 - 06:52 PM

((((hugs))))

I do understand! I believe anger can be cleansing, as long as we don't inflict it on others. I am glad you are pissed and you are among friends here -so as Pru said to me - vent away!

Anger with held turns inward. If I don't let it out it poisons me. I get sick, depressed, and can't function.

You deserve to be pissed at that jerk exbf of yours. He should be accountable for his unconscionable actions. He led you on to get what he wanted, then dumped you when he decided he didn't want you anymore without any warning.

Hope you feel better when the anger runs its course as I do. I am calmer now, but I don't for a moment believe this will be the last time I will be pissed off...

#3 Maddie_NY

Maddie_NY

    Kitten

  • Member +
  • Pip
  • 69 posts

Posted 28 May 2012 - 10:10 PM

((((Pattycakes))))

#4 PR3

PR3

    Embryo

  • Members
  • 2 posts

Posted 30 May 2012 - 10:24 PM

Hi Pattycakes. I do get how you feel. What this guy did to you is a reflection of who he is. His actions and words do not determine who you are. It is unhealthy to keep anger inside but please do not let it consume you. Please do something you enjoy when these horrifying thoughts return. For me, it's amazing what going out for a short ride or walk or playing with my kids can accomplish. Take care.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users