I have been trying to go with the no contact because its what is best for me. It might not sound like a lot but Ive made it 9 days so far which is the longest I have ever made it. I have no had no contact at all, no talking, no texting, no email. The first couple of days were easy because I was so mad at him. Now I have seemed to have lost my anger and I'm fighting to stay away. I try to remind myself of why I was mad but it doesnt work.
I miss the person I met so much. I woke up this morning thinking about how he used to be and I just cant quit crying. I still love who he was (even if it wasn't real). When I look at who he is now I cant stand him. Its the weirdest feeling.
I want to text him but I know it will end up making me feel worse. He will reject me or say something to hurt my feelings. I know I need to stay away but it is really hard. I feel like I'm almost going through withdrawal from him if that makes any sense.
I just needed somewhere to put this. Maybe someone will have some words of wisdom for me.
Fighting to stay away
Started by
Mec1005
, May 22 2012 06:35 AM
8 replies to this topic
#2
Rachel
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Little Kitty
Posted 22 May 2012 - 06:53 AM
Hi Mec 
I know how you feel. It's the craziest thing that in the beginning we are so strong willed and determined and actually feel good but then as time goes on it starts to get hard. We start to forget why we left and have what they call "euphoric recall." We seem to start focusing on how good it was, even thought it's not true.
It feels just like withdrawal. I hate it. But it gets better. I've typically gone for a month to three months at a time but I still had contact. I felt more of a shift this time after I hit 4 months and really kept the contact low (other than the occassional engagement and fight). It just takes time. And this time, when I felt really bad, I told myself, it can only get better. If I can sit with it, it WILL get better.
Get out and do something, like take a walk at a park. Maybe read any journals or notes to remind yourself why you left. It sounds like you might still be on the fence. It's the worst place to be and will prolong your pain. See if you can make a decision to get yourself off of the fence. You are ok without him, you don't need him and the feelings you are having now will pass if you hold on Thinking about you today!
I know how you feel. It's the craziest thing that in the beginning we are so strong willed and determined and actually feel good but then as time goes on it starts to get hard. We start to forget why we left and have what they call "euphoric recall." We seem to start focusing on how good it was, even thought it's not true.
It feels just like withdrawal. I hate it. But it gets better. I've typically gone for a month to three months at a time but I still had contact. I felt more of a shift this time after I hit 4 months and really kept the contact low (other than the occassional engagement and fight). It just takes time. And this time, when I felt really bad, I told myself, it can only get better. If I can sit with it, it WILL get better.
Get out and do something, like take a walk at a park. Maybe read any journals or notes to remind yourself why you left. It sounds like you might still be on the fence. It's the worst place to be and will prolong your pain. See if you can make a decision to get yourself off of the fence. You are ok without him, you don't need him and the feelings you are having now will pass if you hold on
Thinking about you today!
#3
Kris
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Big Cat
Posted 22 May 2012 - 08:48 AM
Be strong, Mec1005!!! You already know that it feels bad and it's hard to go no contact... but that breaking the "no contact" just puts you back at the beginning. Instead of focusing on how bad you feel, congratulate yourself for making it to 9 days. That's awesome!!!!!! If you start to get overwhelmed, shift your focus to "one step at a time".... one day at a time, one hour at a time if you must. Find little things you can do to reward yourself, to take your attention off of him as much as you can. Although it's hard to get him out of your head at first, over time it will get easier. Really!!
Rachel's advice is really good. Read your journals. Start writing new journals remembering the hurt and disappointments. This will be a great "reality check" for you and can help bring the energy and focus back that you had when you were in your "angry" phase.
If you haven't read SteffieB's posts here, she went through a very difficult stretch where she felt so much like you are feeling... angry at her ex at what he was doing to her, but then starting to have self-doubts and falling back into focusing on the qualities he had that led her to fall in love with a "fake man" (since he never was what he pretended to be). It might help you to see that you are not alone in this kind of struggle and it may really help you to follow her journey as her eyes opened and the FOG cleared. Sure, you're never really "over" such a relationship .... of course we wish that the wonderful guy we thought we were falling in love with really existed. But it's better to know and accept the truth and then be able to move on. I think her story might be very helpful for you in that respect.
But it's great you're coming here to share your victories (9 days no-contact...YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
) And it's great that you're coming here to share your doubts and fears, because it is much better to unburden yourself here than to yield to the temptation to unburden yourself by contacting him.
Hang in there Mec!!! We are behind you and will support you all the way!!
Rachel's advice is really good. Read your journals. Start writing new journals remembering the hurt and disappointments. This will be a great "reality check" for you and can help bring the energy and focus back that you had when you were in your "angry" phase.
If you haven't read SteffieB's posts here, she went through a very difficult stretch where she felt so much like you are feeling... angry at her ex at what he was doing to her, but then starting to have self-doubts and falling back into focusing on the qualities he had that led her to fall in love with a "fake man" (since he never was what he pretended to be). It might help you to see that you are not alone in this kind of struggle and it may really help you to follow her journey as her eyes opened and the FOG cleared. Sure, you're never really "over" such a relationship .... of course we wish that the wonderful guy we thought we were falling in love with really existed. But it's better to know and accept the truth and then be able to move on. I think her story might be very helpful for you in that respect.
But it's great you're coming here to share your victories (9 days no-contact...YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
) And it's great that you're coming here to share your doubts and fears, because it is much better to unburden yourself here than to yield to the temptation to unburden yourself by contacting him. Hang in there Mec!!! We are behind you and will support you all the way!!
#4
Mec1005
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- Members
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- 60 posts
Kitten
Posted 22 May 2012 - 09:17 AM
Thanks for the advice Like Rachel said I am on the fence but I dont know why. I know what he is, I know what he is capable of. I just want to move on but how do you move on when you love someone that never existed? Everyone says it will get easier but its been 2 years now and I dont feel like its gotten that much easier. This is so discouraging. I just want to be able to go a day without thinking of him. This just is not fair 
Like Rachel said I am on the fence but I dont know why. I know what he is, I know what he is capable of. I just want to move on but how do you move on when you love someone that never existed? Everyone says it will get easier but its been 2 years now and I dont feel like its gotten that much easier. This is so discouraging. I just want to be able to go a day without thinking of him. This just is not fair
#5
PrudenceB
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Former Admin, PHD (Poser Hatin' Degree)
Posted 22 May 2012 - 06:57 PM
mec,
I was about to post on my own thread about the same problem.
I saw narcx today and it just set me off again. He was at the mailbox which I can see from my apt. No talking, don;t know if he saw me, but it's most likely.
It's so hard. I am so hurt and so upset. It just brings it all back. All of the nasty things, the good things, why is it like jekyll and hyde? Why can;t this be resolved? Who is my x with?
If that's what happens when we just catch a glimpse of their car, what do you think his words would do to you?
Please, don;t contact. Just vent it out here. We will listen.
I am so sorry you are feeling the way you are, and beleive me, I know exactly how you feel. I am beside myself right now.
I was about to post on my own thread about the same problem.
I saw narcx today and it just set me off again. He was at the mailbox which I can see from my apt. No talking, don;t know if he saw me, but it's most likely.
It's so hard. I am so hurt and so upset. It just brings it all back. All of the nasty things, the good things, why is it like jekyll and hyde? Why can;t this be resolved? Who is my x with?
If that's what happens when we just catch a glimpse of their car, what do you think his words would do to you?
Please, don;t contact. Just vent it out here. We will listen.
I am so sorry you are feeling the way you are, and beleive me, I know exactly how you feel. I am beside myself right now.
#6
Rachel
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- Admin
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Little Kitty
Posted 22 May 2012 - 07:53 PM
For whatever it's worth, I read something today that said, "If you don't let go, you get dragged." I think you have to get tired of being dragged and letting yourself be dragged. The article said to look at yourself. All scraped up, wondering how you got here, etc... So....I don't know about you guys but I'm tired of being dragged!!
#7
PrudenceB
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- Former Admin
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Former Admin, PHD (Poser Hatin' Degree)
Posted 22 May 2012 - 08:06 PM
ROFLMAO
OH MY GIIDDY SAINTED AUNT!!!!!
RACHEL!!!!!!
That's GREAT! (she says, dusting off her clothes)
OH MY GIIDDY SAINTED AUNT!!!!!
RACHEL!!!!!!
That's GREAT! (she says, dusting off her clothes)
#8
PrudenceB
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- Former Admin
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Former Admin, PHD (Poser Hatin' Degree)
Posted 22 May 2012 - 08:39 PM
where i start to have problems is disbelief....
i can't beleive what happened- so i don't "get" it - so i wonder where he is...or feel like everything should be normal...like it's all a bad dream....
i can't beleive what happened- so i don't "get" it - so i wonder where he is...or feel like everything should be normal...like it's all a bad dream....
#9
SteffieB
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- Member +
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- 740 posts
Catlet
Posted 24 May 2012 - 02:04 PM
If you haven't read SteffieB's posts here, she went through a very difficult stretch where she felt so much like you are feeling... angry at her ex at what he was doing to her, but then starting to have self-doubts and falling back into focusing on the qualities he had that led her to fall in love with a "fake man" (since he never was what he pretended to be). It might help you to see that you are not alone in this kind of struggle and it may really help you to follow her journey as her eyes opened and the FOG cleared. Sure, you're never really "over" such a relationship .... of course we wish that the wonderful guy we thought we were falling in love with really existed. But it's better to know and accept the truth and then be able to move on. I think her story might be very helpful for you in that respect.
This place and all of you helped me and still do help me so much. LOVE to all of you!
Mec, yeah, it's surreal. It just screws with the brain to meet two separate men and have them exist in the same body. One you feel like you can't live without and another whom you despise. It is the most crazymaking thing about the whole situation.
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