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Hot and Cold


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#1 cocomama

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 07:47 AM

I know that the abuser tends to blow hot or cold and I think that is what I am dealing with now. Except he is really blowing hot. A few days ago I am talking to H and we both are saying we had hard days at work. We finish conversation and I ready for bed and H asked me to hold him. Yeah I'm like what? He says can you hold me that will make me feel better. I blow him off because I'm thinking h--- no! But not wanting to be mean.

A few days later he brings it up again, I wanted to be held and you didn't hold me I was so disappointed but I'm over it now. I don't stay mad long.

Can I say lie,lie and another lie.

I am not mad or sad or anything. He was grossing me out. I feel it was growth because when he was trying to make me feel guilty for not doing what he wanted, I acknowledged him but was not apologizing. Lately he has just been trying to be overly affectionate out of the blue.

I think I just want to know if that sounded as strange as I thought it did

#2 claudifred

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 08:02 AM

Oh yes, it's typical behavior.
My ex was really grasping at straws trying to guilt me. He acted very much like an abandoned child.
In fact, the week of our custody hearing, he followed me all over the house like a puppy dog, trying to be funny and coy and teasing me playfully. It was so strange that after a while I found it scary! Eventually I had to tell him to "leave me the *bleep* alone!" Then he acted all wounded and sad. Before long the angry face came back, and he went back to ignoring me.

Hang in there.

#3 lionheart

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 11:01 AM

You are emotionally detaching and therefore seeing his behavior more objectively.

No matter whether his behavior is abusive or manipulative or childish or not for you I call that progress!

Seeing situations and people as they really are and not as we would want or hope them to be is always good.

#4 DawnC

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 09:34 PM

I would suspect "being held" would have expectations of escalating to sex. Mine never gave a hug just to hug if you know what I mean.

#5 cocomama

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Posted 10 May 2012 - 06:57 AM

Thanks everyone, i agree with what everyone he is still trying to hoover me and I am emotionally detacting because I dont just fall into the "role" that he expects me to play and I am just now beginning to see and understand his acting out because of it. And yes Dawn it is a sex issue with him and funny the more he persues the more "grossed out" I get. Fortunately I don't have much longer to tolerate.




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