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DS asked about my M??


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#1 cocomama

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 09:13 PM

As I have stated my plans included leaving once all the kids were gone last one to college. And its been going that way but today my youngest asked me about my marriage. And that he was worried that we would divorce once he was gone to college.I wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to know why I married so young and if it was for love. Which I answered truthfully But he pointed out that H and I dont say we love each other or go one romantic trips or dates (boy that might be nice) and we don't. How do you say well I'm not in love anymore and I would love to go on a romantic trip or date with someone who was romantic??? I didn't want to just say well I'm outta here when you are but things are going that way. Suggestions? Thoughts?

#2 PrudenceB

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 09:34 PM

Instead of trying to soothe his feelings, I would allow him to manage them on his own - same way we sppeakm to one another here.

"You seem to be observing some thibgs that I get the feeling bother you, like no trips or dates, is that true?"

:" what made youu think about your dad and me this way?"

"what would it mean to you if we stayed together? How does it feel thginking we might not be togetrher?" What about that worries you?"

Do you think if you do not go to college, you can influence our rwlationship?

"How does that thought make you feel?"

and remind him that his life is his and he has to live it, that he can not control anything but himself, and most of all, that you empathize with him and are sorry that the situation is tough right now and it is ufair on him...



make him understand he is not crazy for seeing what he sees....at the same time the reality that he has two parents at home and things aree tough - but we never know the future, o live happy for today...

hop this helps.

#3 cocomama

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 07:27 AM

thanks Pru-
I took your advise and addresses as what is the fear and seems he only wanted some assurance that everything would be ok. Seems that he he feared H and I would somehow be alone and lonely if we were not married. I assured him that would not be the case and that we both loved him and would always be his parents no matter what happens.

#4 PrudenceB

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 08:36 AM

aawwwwww--I am glad that worked out-

poor kid- he was worried about you---




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