Poking the sleeping bear?
Posted 14 April 2012 - 11:48 PM
I found myself recognizing today that certain things I did would upset my VA/EA H and I just didn't care. I did what I wanted. For example:
The neighborhood girls came over to play with D7. We found the sidewalk chalk and I let them go at the front walk. Granted, in hindsight, might not have been the best idea because it might get tracked into the house, but everyone had fun. Well I realized the chalk pictures are right where H stands outside when he is smoking, and I let the girls draw there anyway.
I can't help but think this may be an example of passive aggressive tendencies on my part because 1. I don't care, and 2. I'm almost happy that he would be upset. I mean, it would serve him right after the way he treats me at times, as if this is my way of expressing my anger about it. Pretty messed up and petty of me. I hate being that person. Any thoughts about this subject? Anyone else gleefully poking the bear?
Just a little backstory:
H usually makes snide remarks about things I do, or most recently, things I don't do. I recently told him I do not respond to snide remarks and walked away.
I work full time at a demanding job, go to school full time, and help take care of the girls when I am home. He does do most of the cooking and picks the girls up, but only because I have a long commute and my job is long term, where his is not. I flat out told him if he wants me to help more with the house and kids, we need to move closer to my job. So there is a bit of tension because I am sure he feels like he does everything.
I see his point about his claim that he does EVERYTHING, but I do what I can, when I can.
Posted 15 April 2012 - 09:27 AM
I think it depends on what things you're doing to poke the bear. If it's just normal stuff that you should be able to do as a grown adult anyway, then I say carry on and be yourself and if he gets angry, that's his choice. If it's stuff designed intentionally to make him angry just for fun, that's really not healthy. Him being messed up doesn't mean that you should be messed up too. That's not good for you.
Posted 15 April 2012 - 02:08 PM
Posted 15 April 2012 - 02:49 PM
Maybe I wasn't intentionally trying to make him fly into a rage after all, and just believing the things he always tells me. Huh.
Update in that: he and D7 went to church. D7 told me there was a big bee flying around the car when they got home and was afraid to get out. He got frustrated and I could hear him when they came up the walk. Something about dnot stepping on her mess, because your d*** mother didn't have the brains to think it would be tracked in the house. Then he tried very hard to goad me into a fight because he thought I didnt do anything while he was gone, when in actualality, I had just finished a few chores and sat down five minutes before they walked in the door.
I just told him not to start a fight with me and I wasn't going to respond.
Posted 15 April 2012 - 04:38 PM
Posted 15 April 2012 - 07:15 PM
Good for you not rising to that bait. And after all, what's a little chalk tracked in going to hurt anyway?!
Its not like he is cleaning up anyway...
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