3 replies to this topic

[MomfromMN]

I'm new at posting in this forum... I have been wanting to ask this question in the catbox forum but didn't want to offend anyone. Can God help you decide if you should stay or leave your abuser? I've been having bad memories of H pop into my head for no real reason for the last week or two. I'm remembering or thinking about incidents that happened years ago. Things that have happened in the past I just blew off but now I see that I shouldn't have. And today my D11 told me about how last Oct, her and H were driving on the freeway and he gave someone the middle finger while D11 was in the car with him. He doesn't recall doing this and when D11 told me about it H turned red in the face. Slowly I'm learning more things about him...but would God have something to do with this or is it just coincidence?

I feel so guilty for wanting to leave my husband. Am I sinning against God even though I've made efforts to make our marriage work?
Is it a sin to leave even if abuse exists in the marriage and he hasn't changed so far?

Sorry for so many questions, I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. Lastly, would a support group of some kind be helpful for me? I see a therapist but maybe a group would be nice too. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Be Blessed!

What I want to add is that I've been praying a lot and asking for guidance from HIM and I am unsure if HE is answering my prayers by showing me what I didn't see before perhaps. Is that something God would do to help me-to see what kind of person H is or is it just the work of satan trying to keep me mad so that I don't reconcile with H. I hope this doesn't come across as offensive.

Edited by MomfromMN, 10 April 2012 - 08:24 AM.

[ktc]

Hello Mom from MN - I am a believer to. I was not married, no kids - I was engaged to someone who became verbally / emotionally abusive to me. I know the confusion with deciding to leave or not. My struggle was forgiveness and did I not give him a chance, did I not forgive and try, was I loving enough, etc. One thing make sure you are listening to God, and not the enemy for he too will try to speak lies and manipulation. Make sure you seek God and His guidence. I cannot say whether or not to leave is right or wrong. If he is phsically abusive by all means seek safety. If he is verbally or emotionally abusive then seek help for yourself, for your own well being. From what I understand couples counseling is not advisable in these circumstances. He needs help with his issues. But start setting boundaries with him in what will not be toletated. Do you have a trusted friend you could talk to? My advice would be to go seek counseling for yourself and your well-being. Hugs to you

Ps , nothing you have said is offensive. If God is showing you things, ask for confirmation. He will show you its from Him because it should always line up with His Word.

Edited by ktc, 16 April 2012 - 10:08 PM.

[ktc]

ps not as many are on this part of the forum as are in the general catbox - sorry please don't feel slighted if you don't get many responses. Its just that not as many come to this particular part of the forum

[MomfromMN]

ktc,
Thank you for responding! I am glad to hear that I didn't sound offensive. My D11 and I both see a therapist once a week and this has helped us a lot. I feel stronger now than when I first posted this question. I also read somewhere that I'm not the one that is breaking up the marriage-he already broke the vows with his va/ea. I was feeling so guilty that I was sinning against God and my promise to honor and cherish til death do us part. But h has shown time and time again that he just can't change.

H and I had a long talk the other night and he said that he's unhappy and that no matter what he does it will never be good enough. He also said that he doesn't understand why we can't have joint therapy. I explained everything to him and told him that IF he was changing he wouldn't be complaining about things and that he needs to work on his issues. His therapist suggested a book for him to read...I said, that book he wants you to read, did you buy it yet? He said no. I said, if you were so proactive on fixing things you would have bought it by now. I think I'll start referring to him at my stbx.

Thanks again!