The obvious unfairness of his attitude aside (because, truly, if I stopped doing the things I found "burdensome" e.g. laundry, cleaning the whole house, cooking all meals, grocery shopping, cleaning up vomit, nursing a sick and peevish child, driving to and from school, feeding the cats, the list is endless really...our lives would grind to a halt and we would live in a smoking pile of filth), it was so interesting to hear this on the same day that I started reading Lundy Bancroft's When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse. The following passage restates what Mr. Furious said:
In short, the abusive man may want the status of father and the pleasures of having children, but he tends to lose interest rapidly when it comes to the hardships and sacrifices. He may be enthusiastically and proudly present when the baby emerges from the birth canal, he may jump to give the baby that exciting first bite of solid food six months later, or to be there for the drop-off on the child's first day of school. But he'll be much harder to find the third time somebody has to get up to feed or calm the baby in one night; or when a daughter or son needs some patient help with challenging homework; or when the transportation to school becomes a daily grind instead of an exciting event. At these times, his entitlement comes creeping in and he slips back toward his selfish and self-centered habits.
I've always wondered why I have all these photos of my husband feeding my son, posing with him on the first day of kindergarten, holding him at holidays and generally looking like a picture-perfect dad, yet I have zero memories of him changing diapers, staying home to take care of my son when he's sick (although I have memories of him yelling at me for being too soft on our son and not forcing him to go to school when he has a cold), getting up for late night feedings or settlings down (but plenty of memories of him screaming at me to quiet our son down), taking my son to doctors' appointments or friends' houses or even taking my son for a walk in the stroller. He has been the 1% and I'm the 99%.
I love being a mom, but I don't like being host to a parasite who is using me to raise his offspring while he acts with impunity and treats me like doo doo. The entitlement here is breathtaking. The main thing keeping me with him is that I'm afraid the courts will award this parasite 50% custody!
Thanks for letting me vent! I am pretty worked up.
Edited by library_lady, 26 March 2012 - 10:48 PM.