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A Right turning to Mr Wrong


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#1 Hattie

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 04:03 AM

When I first met my husband, he was Mr Perfect. He made me feel safe, loved and made me smile. We dated for a while but trust me it wasn't all sunshine and roses, he turned to have quite a temper and would go on for days not talking to me. We had a long distance relationship so that didn't really help. I was crazy in love with this man at that time and didn't want to accept his fault, I just turned a blind eye. My best friend, kept saying that there was something wrong with my then fiance, but didn't want to believe her and he made sure that I stopped talking to her.

A couple of times he wanted to walk off and stop seeing each other but somehow things always got better and he'd change his mind. When we were planning our wedding, he used to get annoyed saying that I don't follow a sequence when I talk and not specific, it used to irritate him. It got so bad that I used to write down stuff and then refer the list. Everything had to match his specifications. He didn't like the bridal dress I picked saying it was too simple and went out and got a different one. I had to double check everything with him, friends thought he was being sweet and so did my family.

We got married but he decided that we shouldn't go on a long honeymoon because his friends had travelled for our wedding and he needed to keep them company. I kept my mouth shut.

My relationship with my in-laws aren't perfect, all my MIL wants is for my husband to keep spending on them. He'd make sure to visit them every year and when he does so my in-laws decide to go out and my husband would end up footing the bill every single time and when I try to discuss this he'd tell me to shut up and stay away as it's not my business.

Living with my husband is a constant nightmare. Everything has to be the way he wants. He'd get mad if a cushion is out of place and would start shouting. Once he got so angry that my shirt collar wasn't ironed according to his specifications that he shouted at me on the road. I'm not good enough for him. Either I'm too thin or too fat. He's mad because I'm not pregnant and constantly uses curse words to address me.Everything is my fault and when he gets angry he blames me for putting him into that mental status.

I'm not allowed to cook what I want. His mother said that you don't need to cook when you can buy frozen meals. He decides on the clothes I buy and how I wear my hair. I haven't had a trip to the hairdresser for months because he thinks it's a waste of money and then says that other women look so much better :cray: Being around him is like walking on eggshells, you never know when he'd blow a fuse. He has hit me a couple of times but he always says that I made him do it and that I started it. I threatned to call the police once but never did it, even that is an issue for him. Now when he gets angry he says that he will contact the police. I just don't know....

I want to get away but I guess I need to find the courage to do so. He did walk out but that was only for a couple of days and then he walked right back in. A part of me has just died, sometimes I hate him so much. Is it normal to be this confused?

I'm sorry for my long rant but I must say it does feel good to let it out.

#2 oneness

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 09:02 AM

(((HUGS)))

Yes, it is normal to be this confused. But it seems to me you are seeing pretty clearly what a controlling, abusive person your H is. They do a number on our minds, making us doubt ourselves, that is part of their game of control. But abuse is abuse, and nothing can justify it! it seems to me you are looking for a way out of your marriage, and you will get support here whatever you choose to do.

Welcome here, and I hope you receive some help, guidance, clarity and strength from all of us who have BTDT.

#3 thebewilderness

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 12:07 AM

Hi Hattie, Yes indeed, confused is perfectly normal for the situation. Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The FOG of an abusive relationship.
If they offer counseling at your local DV shelter that would be a good place to start finding your way back to you.
There is a book that might help you also. "Why Does He DO That" by Lundy Bancroft. Keep it put up so he can't find it.
He also has a website, http://lundybancroft.blogspot.com/

When you are ready to leave you will know it. Sometimes it takes us a long time to get there. Sometimes we go back and leave again and again until we finally say ENOUGH!




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