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Life Without Him

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#1 hedoesntcare

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:30 AM

Here are the simple pleasures I experience now that I have escaped my abusive stbx
  • When I come home from work I can lay on the couch immediately without guilt or anxiety
  • When I do my laundry I have time to put away my clothes and my closet is very organized
  • I can stay at work longer if necessary without anxiety or apologies
  • I have more energy for my children
  • My short term memory is improving
  • My fear of driving on unknown highways is GONE
  • My anxiety is 90% gone
  • I smile all the time
  • I am eating healthy without effort and am losing weight
  • I can choose to not cook dinner if I don't want to
  • I can talk on the phone to whoever I want and whenever I want
  • When I put something back where it belongs it STAYS there until I need it again
  • I think I look younger
  • I can make plans at the spur of the moment
  • I can go out with friends
  • my friends are no longer afraid to visit me at my house (my new house)
I am sure there is more but those are the immediate changes that I am enjoying thoroughly.

#2 SteffieB

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:49 AM

I can relate to most of those! I will add:
  • I can say "Hi" to a cashier without him thinking I'm flirting.
  • I can make minor mistakes and just forgive myself for them and move on. I don't have to hear about them over and over for weeks at a time.
  • I no longer walk around feeling awkward because of someone making me feel clumsy and pointing out all of my quirks.
  • I can enjoy my family again.
  • I don't have to lie about little unimportant things to try and avert a rageful explosion or hours of criticism.
  • I can go somewhere by myself.
  • I don't have to report in at breaks or on lunch.
  • I can just hang out with my children without making anyone jealous.
  • I am no longer interrogated about every detail of every conversation that I have with anyone.
  • The only people capable of throwing tantrums at home are actual children, and they throw far fewer than the adult who used to live there did.


#3 la_chica

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 11:15 AM

Yay!!! Life is good :)

#4 hedoesntcare

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 12:40 PM

I can relate to most of those! I will add:

  • I can say "Hi" to a cashier without him thinking I'm flirting.
  • I can make minor mistakes and just forgive myself for them and move on. I don't have to hear about them over and over for weeks at a time.
  • I no longer walk around feeling awkward because of someone making me feel clumsy and pointing out all of my quirks.
  • I can enjoy my family again.
  • I don't have to lie about little unimportant things to try and avert a rageful explosion or hours of criticism.
  • I can go somewhere by myself.
  • I don't have to report in at breaks or on lunch.
  • I can just hang out with my children without making anyone jealous.
  • I am no longer interrogated about every detail of every conversation that I have with anyone.
  • The only people capable of throwing tantrums at home are actual children, and they throw far fewer than the adult who used to live there did.


YES to all of those!! Man were our exes twins??? LOL

Edited by hedoesntcare, 13 March 2012 - 12:40 PM.


#5 SteffieB

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 01:31 PM

YES to all of those!! Man were our exes twins??? LOL


If so, you have my DEEPEST sympathies, lol.

#6 hedoesntcare

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 02:27 PM

Back at ya!!!

#7 Rachel

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 07:10 AM

My list:

I can watch what I want on tv and not worry about someone making racist, sexist comments. Calling every woman a who*re (yes, even jesse dugard and elizabeth smart).

I can drive down the road without listening to those comments.

I can be around other attractive females or females in general and not worry about what he's thinking. I can just enjoy women again instead of seeing them as a threat.

I can break something and not listen to someone freak out about it.

I dont' have to apologize for things I didn't do and things I'm not actually sorry about!

I don't have to worry about his everyday p*** use that he lies about.

I don't have to deal with the lies, constantly trying to figure out the truth.

I don't have to deal with being blamed for actually seeing reality and not accepting his delusions.

the list goes on and on...

#8 hedoesntcare

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 08:42 AM

Excellent list Rachel!

I am also so happy to not be around the negative racist comments, the ugly words he uses, and hearing that every woman is a b-itch or wh*re, and how much he hates them.

Oh the Po*n! The violent images he enjoyed watching online, the degrading things he enjoyed seeing done to women. I am so glad to be free of that!

I can wear pretty underwear to work and not be accused of cheating on him

I don't have to hear him go on and on about how I have a "corporate man" on the side

I don't have to hear him b*tch about the local University students and how they "think their sh*t don't stink" and "have no reality of the real world", especially since I am a University graduate.

and I agree Rachel, the list goes on and on.....

#9 SteffieB

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:41 AM

I didn't have the bigoted comments and I'm not really bothered by p*** and he never was flirty with attractive women around me, but I can agree with the other ones on your list!

#10 Caitlin

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Posted 17 March 2012 - 01:57 AM

I like this list making. I am going to challenge myself and remember some things that I can now enjoy without him if you don't mind, because I need the reminder:

* I can eat what I want. I can eat whenever I want. I can eat however much I want, without the questions of morality, the comments, or the tense looks of disapproval
* I can talk on the phone in private without someone questioning my commitment to intimacy because "There are things I can't say around" him.
* I can engage in my friendships and know that they are people who truly know, love, and care about me and not people who just tell me what I want to hear about myself.
* I can text on my phone without judgment
* I can spend as much time on my computer as I want without an assessment of my character
* I can choose not to eat the crusts of my sandwiches without being accused of being wasteful
* I can choose not to finish the ends of my drinks if I'm done with them (non-alcoholic, lol)
* I can enjoy my family
* I can go to bed when I want
* I can choose to read, or NOT read, what I want and at the time of my choosing
* I can explore my spirituality
* I can ride my bike however much or however little I desire without obligation
* I can drive my car however much without an evaluation and analysis of my impact on the environment

* I don't have to ride on the back of a scooter or motorcycle if I don't feel comfortable
* I can cry or get emotional about any old thing without being called weak
* I can make spontaneous plans to go places, particularly with my family, without asking for permission
* I don't have to listen to music I hate and pretend to take it seriously (haha!)
* I can update my Facebook status however I want without a lecture
* I can buy myself maternity clothes, baby things, or crafting supplies without being called materialistic and shallow
* I can recieve gifts from people (particularly my parents) and not feel incredible anxiety over it
* I can be proud of my accomplishments

* I can be relaxed and easy-going
* I can also be uptight and particular about certain things without pretending
* I am free to make my own choices of morality
* I can shower and take 10 minutes to myself to unwind in private
* I don't have to spend a f*cking hour making dinner every night if I am tired
* I can relax and be tired without being called lazy
* I can choose which produce to buy organically in order to save money

* I don't have to eat food I don't like out of obligation
* I can make mistakes without having them dragged out in the open at every opportunity
* I can be imperfect and be okay with it

And perhaps most importantly,

* I can give and recieve love freely and without conditions





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