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Feeling depressed about turning 30


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#1 Sunburstfairy

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Posted 28 December 2009 - 09:53 AM

Hello everyone,


I realize that this is not necessarily the place to vent about things such as turning 30 but this site was such a help to me a few
years back when I was going through an emotionally turbulent relationship. I thought maybe I could come here once more for some advice.

I turned 29 in October and ever since I'm dreading turning 30. There is so much I haven't accomplished with my life. I spent almost all of my 20's in a verbally abusive relationship. I'm glad I got out of it even though I did love him, but I feel
like I wasted soooo much time.

I still look younger than I am but I notice the age starting to appear on my face. I don't have a "grown up" career...I'm currently
teaching English in Taiwan and I have no idea what I want to do next.
I'm trying to enjoy the freedom I have right now and I also am proud of myself for fulfilling one of my dreams of traveling to
a far off place. I'd like to teach ESL the next few years but I also feel like maybe I'm getting too old to not know what it is I want to do and perhaps this job is a running away of sorts.

Then there is the idea that I'm deviating from a path that most follow-I'm rejecting marriage and children and I feel like I'm sometimes wandering around aimlessly. Yet the thought of having those things right now does not appeal to me.

Help!

Does anyone have any advice for women on the brink of 30 who still have no idea what to do with their lives?:(
Thanks for reading.

Edited by Sunburstfairy, 28 December 2009 - 09:54 AM.


#2 grammie

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Posted 28 December 2009 - 10:28 AM

Oh honey, turning 30 is not so bad, I passed that milestone 20 years ago and I'm still kicking.

I can understand feeling bad because you spent part of your 20's in a bad relationship. But you got out, that is the important part. You had the strength and determination to get out and make it on your own. Many of one this board have spent our 20, 30 and 40's in a bad relationship and would love to have accomplished what you did.

I don't know what you call a 'grown up' job, but teaching English in Taiwan sounds pretty grown up to me.

If you don't want marriage and children right now then don't do it. Nothing is worse than following the script that someone else has set for your life and then finding out that it is not what you wanted after all. Thirty is not old by any stretch of the imagination, you sill have years to have a family if that is what you want. The traveling you are doing sounds pretty exciting to me, so stop worrying about what other people may think you should do with your life and do what you want to do. Maybe you need to sit down and make a list of things you want to accomplish - not things you think you should want to accomplish, or someone else thinks you should accomplish - but things you want to do.

Edited by grammie, 28 December 2009 - 06:29 PM.


#3 Just Meg

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Posted 28 December 2009 - 12:47 PM

Hi Sunburstfarie Wow, what I wouldnt give to have the chance to turn 30 again!! BUT, with one caveat . . . I would want to do that with the knowledge I have now. I envy you . . . you had the courage, strength and fortitude to walk away from an unhealthy relationship and you did it before children were involved, what an amazing accomplishment!

I think aging is all a matter of perspective. I feel better now than I did in my 30s, because Im no longer being beaten down on a regular basis. I think I look better now too. My 40s have been my best years so far! While there have been many challenges I have over come most of them, what more could a girl ask for? How about instead of mourning the lost time in a bad relationship you celebrate that you got out? Turn it around girl!

I like Grammies suggestion that you make a list of what YOU would like to do for YOU. Then prioritize and find a way to accomplish those items.

Good luck spring chicken!

#4 Conflictaphobic

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Posted 28 December 2009 - 01:26 PM

I'm 28, but sometimes I don't feel "all grown up" either! lol

I worried a lot about turning 30, but over the last year or so, I've come to a point where I feel I will embrace it. I am finally happy with being me, and I know that I am stronger because of what I have been through. Don't look at it as time wasted; look at it as a lesson learned that you can pass down to others in need of your strength and advice.

You will find the right path.

And girl, you are FAR from old! Thirty is the new twenty right?? :D Well that's what I'm going to keep telling myself! hehe

Good luck to you!

#5 thebewilderness

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Posted 28 December 2009 - 06:23 PM

Remember how eagerly we looked forward to those progress to adulthood markers when we were very young?

Yay, I'm six. Hooray, I'm thirteen. Congratulations on turning sixteen, eighteen, twenty one.

Going to be thirty is way worse than actually being thirty, as I recall. When we turned thirty a friend and I laughed about our dread and congratulated each other on being old enough and experienced enough to finally make an informed decision on what we wanted to do when we grew up. We were a bit hasty. It took us a bit longer to sort out.
We tried a lot of different things. I finally settled in to law enforcement. She got her teaching credential at the age of fifty and has been hanging out in kindergarten ever since.

In my sixties now, I am old enough to be eccentric without apology. I wouldn't go back for anything.

I think the anticipation is worse than the reality. Certainly it was for those of us in the "never trust anyone over thirty" generation.

#6 Sunburstfairy

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Posted 29 December 2009 - 09:41 AM

thank you all for your replies. :) I know I'm probably being ridiculous. I just hope I feel better in the coming year, though I know I need to count my blessings and focus on what I do have instead of what could have been or what I haven't done yet.

Hope the new year is filled with beauty and blessings for everyone in this forum!

#7 Court

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Posted 29 December 2009 - 11:24 AM

I am 34. I am enjoying this time of my life very much.

When I was almost 30, I hated my career. This is even before X and I split up. I decided to make an adjustment. I took out student loans and went back to school.

I have since started a brand new career.

Of course, I have to start at the bottom and sometimes feel like I've wasted the last decade. Same thing with my relationship. I have a wonderful man at my side and I sometimes wish I could have had the last 10+ years with him instead.

But is was that prior 10 years that eventually led me to him and to my new career. Both of which I love despite the "starting over."

I don't know why my life took the path that it did, but I'm here now and it's a good life. 30 is not so bad. It's a great time to start over. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))




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