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Don't know where to turn

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#1 walkinonsonshine



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Posted 18 December 2009 - 01:01 PM

Been married for 14yrs. Getting harder to take verbal abuse.. and have just started to realize that I am not completly the problem.. That I am married to a big mean bully. My h has been telling me by his ranting and raving and walking around the house like a crazed immature teen that "I need to submit to him" that very soon I will have no money and be out on the street"
what do I do, he does this in front of our teenage daughter all the time?

#2 peach_papoose


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Posted 18 December 2009 - 02:46 PM

Any chance you can beat him to the punch and get HIM kicked out onto the street? Check with a lawyer to find out your options, if you haven't already. That's where I went wrong. I didn't consult a lawyer until after I escaped, as I was so afraid to be found out that I'd called one.

If you can't kick him out, I hope you will find a way to just leave. I doubt you'd truly be "on the street" as there's always places to help (women's shelter is a good place to start). Are you willing and able to find employment?

I left an abusive man six years ago. I was out of the job market for a dozen years at that point and figured there wasn't much I could do to earn an income. Now I support my family by working from home as a medical transcriptionist.

Your teenaged daughter doesn't deserve to witness abuse. Nobody does. I hope you'll show her that nobody deserves abuse and get away from him. If he prefers to treat you like one less than equal with him then he will pay the consequences of not having you in his life to kick down.

He expects you to submit? Am I correct in assuming that he is involved in a religious organization that seems to teach such a thing? I am a Christian and the abusive ex purports to be one too. He would frequently talk about how he expected me to "submit" to him, but his idea of submission was more like "you will foresee my every desire and make this home perfect in every way, every second you are awake, and if you don't get enough sleep that's your own fault, just get up and serve me, coz that's your lot in life as a woman". Uh-uh. NOT true! But I used to begrudgingly believe it and went through the motions, waiting for his death or mine to end what I thought was a life sentence.

My story is in the link in my signature below. There is life after abuse. You don't have to put up with it. I'm glad you have realized that you are not the problem. That is a wonderful step in finding freedom and growth for yourself and your daughter.

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