[gailguinn]

Hello, been on and off the site now for just about 8yrs. Have had a 13yr relationship with a bf who has never lived with me, only came over on the weekends. Had a lot of good times, a lot of bad, and now the abuse has really escalated in the last 3 months. He has had a stress over the fact he needs to work another job because of being low on money and hasn't found one. Had been helping him by putting online applications. This weekend he said he couldn't come over because of lack on money. I said look we don't have to go and eat, just hang out. He said no, I can tell you are resentful because of the lack of money and we can't do anything, and insisted on not coming. But low and behold he kept calling to see if I was doing anything. So Sunday I said I was going up to the casino and wouldn't be back till evening. He didn't say anything, and then said I see how you are, I don't have any money but you are going to spend money, you don't have(projecting). I said well you don't want to come over. He said LOOK YOU C**T I never said that and I just hung up. He called back in about 3mins and said he tore up all my pictures and said we are done this time, and that he is DEAD SERIOUS THIS TIME, and hung up. Didn't hear back from him until a few days later saying he was going to be in the neighborhood so he wanted to pick up the slippers he left at my place. He said I could either give it to him in person or leave it on the porch, he didn't care either way. I said would you rather I leave it on the porch? He said I could hand it to him only if I wanted to see him. I said ok. The next day he called back and said after thinking it over that he wanted me to just leave them on the porch, that way we wouldn't get in each others hair and hung up on me again. So now today, he will be coming over in a hour to pick it up. So just wanted to say I am finally glad the abuse will finally stop.

[Chelli]

(((hugs)))

Hopefully he doesn't try a hoover dow nthe road....

Chelli

[Tahwandaaa]

He's coming over for his slippers?! Interesting. :chicken:

I hope the abuse is over too!

Tah

[GotTheTeeShirt]

Hi Gail,

How are you feeling about his impending visit to your porch? Are you feeling strong and capable of not opening the door when you see him? Or are you feeling scared that you might? I think it's probably a very good thing that he is wanting to end the relationship, but 13 years of abuse is a long time and I've learned the hard way that getting out isn't always as easy as that.

Does he have a habit of telling you it's over and then finding excuses to contact you again?

I'm hoping to get more information so that I can help you remain strong. It sounds like you want it to be over and that 13 years is enough!

Hang in there,
Tee

[gailguinn]

Hi Tee, yes he has done that in the past, but he seemed more determined. I won't be opening the door. I am glad that its over, couldn't stand the stress of it anymore. Its taken a large toll on my physical and emotional health.

[GotTheTeeShirt]

Whew, that's good to hear Gail! I guess if it was me (been there, done that, gave in and let him back into my life when he showed up) I'd be hopping in my car and heading to the mall to waste a couple of hours, just to be sure that I wasn't around when he showed up.

In my life, when I finally knew that I had to just let the guy go, I shoved his stuff out on the porch (at his request) and then went to see a rodeo. It was an all day event so I was pretty sure he'd be long gone by the time I got home. It was the only way for me to be sure that I wouldn't cave in if he started knocking on my door and asking me to talk for a few minutes.

Stay strong,
Tee

[mushu]

Hi Gail,
I'm really proud you didn't fall for any of those hooks he kept laying out there. Like the guilt trip over you spending your own money. And how he kept upping the situation with "I'm really serious this time!!!"
I can guarantee you, and maybe I'm overstating the obvious, but him coming over has NOTHING to do with the slippers.

Good for you standing your ground.

Mushu

[gailguinn]

I am confused, he didn't come over to get the slippers? I suspect from things I have read that he has Borderline Personality. Do you think he just thought it wasn't worth coming over for?

[mushu]

Hi Gail,

I'm speaking from my experiences so maybe it isn't the same type of situation, but everytime I have tried to leave there has always been some "thing" he needed to get back from me. One time it was a sleeping bag of his that was left at my house. He came to my house and I wouldn't open the door. So he kept saying to me "just give me back my sleeping bag and I will leave."
He was trying his hardest to engage with me somehow and regain control of a situation that in his mind, he had lost control of.
So by at least having a "reason" to show up at my house gave him a shot at getting to me and speaking with me therefore trying to control the situation.
Does that make sense? Do you think it could be that type of thing?

Mushu

[gailguinn]

Of course if he came and got the slippers, that would mean there would be nothing left to get. So I don't know