[smile4me]

I've been reading other posts and it amazes me how similar that it all sounds. I read one post where the husband pokes his wife and she got to where she flinched when he made a sudden move and I thought that's me. My husband also beats on the pets. Not all the time and not for the same reasons so they never really know why they are in trouble. I read on one of the posts that a woman's husband terrorizes her pets too. I'm seriously thinking of leaving. I'm tired of all the name calling, sarcasm, turning into a raging lunatic, (that's what I call it when he's screaming stuff that doesn't even make sense) and him being a big bully. My sons are grown. My husband travels once or twice a month and it gives me time by myself. I think that's why I stayed so long. I can't imagine him being home all the time. I don't think I can tell it to his face. I've been thinking of going to a lawyer and asking what can I do. It's scary. He's mean and vindictive. I love the peace when he is traveling. And I sometimes think I could have this all the time. I read one post of a woman who packed up and left while he wasn't home. I thought that's what I want. One week while he's traveling I'd like to just pack everything up and be gone. To be able to say to him, if you have a problem talk to my lawyer. I'm afraid I can't make it on my own.

[TGIFreeAtLast]

Your husband sounds quite scary. During one of his trips, can you go to a local DV shelter to get some advice about how to leave safely and help making a safety plan? Your idea of contacting a lawyer is also a really good one.

With someone so unpredictable and violent like your husband, I don't think you NEED to tell him to his face that you're leaving - it could possibly put you in danger.

[michigan_mom]

Please get the book "But He Never Hit Me"...she addresses so many of the things you are worried about. The finances, if you should leave, how to leave safely....I was just reading it again last night...I go to it alot just for validation....hang in there.....

[Pebbles]

michigan_mom, on 03 November 2009 - 03:56 AM, said:

Please get the book "But He Never Hit Me"...she addresses so many of the things you are worried about. The finances, if you should leave, how to leave safely....I was just reading it again last night...I go to it alot just for validation....hang in there.....

MM is right, this book is EXCELLENT. I am referring to it on a daily basis as I plan my escape.

[protector]

What exactly do you worry about "on your own"? Finances? Do you work? With the kids out of the house, just by yourself, you should be able to find employment to afford a simple appartment. Don't ya think?

If your answer does not concern finances, well, that is the EASY part!! It's totally easy to be on your own. In fact, the fear of "am I doing this right? Am I making the right decisions?" turns into the realization that HE caused you to doubt yourself and YOU CAN DO IT!! It's even funny to me that when I do make a mistake, it's my mistake and mine alone, and it only effects me and more so, I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT FROM HIM!!!

[smile4me]

protector, on 03 November 2009 - 09:31 AM, said:

What exactly do you worry about "on your own"? Finances? Do you work? With the kids out of the house, just by yourself, you should be able to find employment to afford a simple appartment. Don't ya think?

If your answer does not concern finances, well, that is the EASY part!! It's totally easy to be on your own. In fact, the fear of "am I doing this right? Am I making the right decisions?" turns into the realization that HE caused you to doubt yourself and YOU CAN DO IT!! It's even funny to me that when I do make a mistake, it's my mistake and mine alone, and it only effects me and more so, I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT FROM HIM!!!

It's the finances, mostly health insurance. My prescriptions are 300 a month with insurance. I work part time, but I probably could get a full time job. I'm not skilled or anything so I make very little money. Sometimes I think about getting a room mate. Someone to share expenses. I could see where it could be done. Right now he's being fairly nice. So my resolve is slipping. But I also know that it won't last. I wonder why it's so hard to take that first step to leaving. Maybe after that first step it gets easier to keep going.

Thanks

[Pebbles]

smile4me, on 09 November 2009 - 08:37 PM, said:

Right now he's being fairly nice. So my resolve is slipping. But I also know that it won't last. I wonder why it's so hard to take that first step to leaving. Maybe after that first step it gets easier to keep going.

Thanks

Yes, I totally understand. I'm stuck in that right now too, afraid to take that first step. It's really hard, but I am determined that I can do it. Someone else recently compared it to parachuting from a plane, what a great analogy. I am stuck holding on tight to the door, but being beaten up by the wind, tossed around to and fro. Keep posting here Smile, you will find lots of support! :wink_smile:

Pebbles

[sedona011]

smile4me, on 03 November 2009 - 02:57 AM, said:

I've been reading other posts and it amazes me how similar that it all sounds. I read one post where the husband pokes his wife and she got to where she flinched when he made a sudden move and I thought that's me. My husband also beats on the pets. Not all the time and not for the same reasons so they never really know why they are in trouble. I read on one of the posts that a woman's husband terrorizes her pets too.

I've posted about my husband doing all of the above, and I'm in the same spot you're in-- wanting to leave but haven't made the leap. It is really hard. I'm tired of signing my life and future over to him, though. I'm getting ready to leave. You will find the strength, too.

[Myhigherself]

Hi smile4me, You have probably heard what I am about to post here but just in case......

Wal-Mart has a $4.00 prescription list, at least in my state. I do not know where you are at and I am not asking you to post your state as we need to remain anon here but If you havent' heard about this list I sure hope you check into it.

I have the list right here in front of me, if you feel comfortable posting your meds that you take or pming me.

I wont list the particular meds but here are the illnesses, Allergies,Antibiotic Treatments,Arthritis & Pain,Asthma,Cholesterol,Diabetes,Ear Health,Fungal Infections, Gastrointestinal Health,Glaucoma & Eye Care, Heart Health & Blood Pressure,Mental Health,Skin Conditions, Thyroid Conditions, Viruses & Vitamins and Nutritional Health. Well anyway dont know if any of your illnesses fall under these categorys but if they do & if you have a Wal-Mart check it out. edited to add (these are 30 day supplies for one month, only $4.00)

For me anyway it was that very first step (in my case of telling him) honestly after that I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THERE. Everyones situation is different I know, so heck who knows (only you would know) maybe your way would be to pack up and leave when he is gone, I can tell you this, for me, there was no going back no way. I was free again, without yelling screaming, insults,putdowns,pressure to get big breasts and so on. It WAS GLORIOUS and it IS GLORIOUS not being with him.

Big Hugs

This post has been edited by Myhigherself: 10 November 2009 - 10:03 PM

[stuckinpg]

Hi!

The first step is making the decision that your peace of mind is more important than anything else and that you really want to leave. Keep that vision in mind. If you do that, you work out the particulars as you go along. You will doubt yourself, especially when he plays nice - they all do. They have an inner radar that let's them know when "their better half" is thinking about making a move. Do not fall for it. And, if you do, do not beat up on yourself. See it like learning to ride a bike. Say, ok, I fell, let's try again.

The peace and quiet - nothing like it. No more drama! That is the best part of it. My pets are so much more peaceful and playful.

Good luck. You can do it. And the people here will help you through it.

Hugs....