[Pebbles]

I've been distancing myself more and more from H. I try to not say much of anything to him when he is around me because I know where it will lead. But it just seems like alot more hard work for nothing. The air in our home is so thick with tension that you could cut it with a knife.

All weekend long I felt like he was "fishing" , throwing out one liners to me such as "I wish I could actually do something with my WIFE" but when we try to do things together they always turn sour. He wanted to go out for lunch, but instead i went and got a pizza and brought it home so I could eat and then escape into another room, away from him, and not be stuck in a public place, sitting at a table with him trying to have normal conversation. I feels better avoiding him than trying to engage and work on things. I so feel like I am just done with it all. I guess I am just emotionally exhausted.

He has been sick with a cold and you'd think he must be dying or something. He was just sitting on the couch talking to S6 on Saturday when all of a sudden he erupted , yelling out "son you CANNOT cough in my face, you have NO IDEA what my job takes out of me, and I CANNOT be sick anymore" - as if it is S6's fault that H is ill!! Then he stormed off down the hall, leaving S6 to cry by himself. I consoled S6, but in my heart I was raging mad. When he does things like that to my dear child it makes me so angry!!

I have written and re-written my letter, asking him to leave. Why oh why can't I work up the nerve to give it to him? Is it fear of how he will react to it? I've asked him twice already this summer for a separation and each time he has managed to talk me out of it. I just cannot take much more of him. He is sucking my soul dry. :dontgetit:

[Myhigherself]

Pebbles, my heart is just breaking for you. This is the hardest time when you are about to leave, and you know you are going to leave. You are so close yet so far away. You will know when the time is right to absolutly put your foot down, and let him know. You just wont be able to take it anymore.

He is so fishing,and that is hard to, I went through that big time. Especially the "one liners" where he really wanted me to engage so that he could let loose all of his demons and stress on me. Seems like they just cant stand it that we are not falling for their manipulating tricks.

The one thing I do know Pebbles is someday just for you I will be posting this little guy :clapping:
Because I know you will take that step out to freedom.

[mushu]

I love what My Higher Self said. He is completely baiting you and it's not working so he ups the ante and trys another tactic. I'm sure he KNOWS if he picks on S6, that will absolutely get to you.
Good for you for detaching even though you are hurting. I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I know you can do it. I know you can break free. You are accomplishing so much righ now and regaining your personal power by not giving in to his cruel games.
Don't give up. You will make it happen!!!

Mushu

[Pebbles]

I am doing alot of praying right now and hoping what I am about to do is the right thing.

[Chelli]

It is hard.

And the ante is always upped when a previous tactic is no longer working. I have found that walking away and finding other things to do helped when I was living *in* the situation. I was able to see, firsthand this past week-end how physically living apart allowed me to totally disengage when Ms. Diva became a raging lunatic over the phone and to stop myself from using previously learned tactics to help minimize the damage. I didn't call her back when she hung up on me.

Here's what happened: After spending the majority of Saturday moving most of the rest of my things to my new home, I delevered a few items of hers to her home. The bottoms of the beds for the kids (they were sleeping on only a mattress) two desks, a lamp, some fans, one of her favorite pictures and some boxes. She was at work while I was doing all this moving. We (myself and the folks heling me) were in her home less than 15 minutes. When she got home and realized that things had been delivered to her she threatened to get a restraining order against me and ranted about how Now she had to get rid of all this "stuff" she didn't want and how we "trashed" her house and now she couldn't take the kids trick of treating because she had to clean up the mess we made and then hung up on me when I wasn't properly contrite.

I ignored what I had previoiusly done in the past which was to try and smooth things over. And, sure enough, half an hour later, Ms. Diva showed up with two small boxes of stuff that had been delivered to her house by mistake to take the kids out to trick or treat. The "incident" had been glossed over and we are never to mention it again. I could actually observe what was happening and predict the outcome without becoing anxious about how to "handle" her. I was able to *not* internalize what she said and how she acted. I was able to remain calm. And given another reason to be glad I no longer live with her.

Chelli

[Pebbles]

Chelli,

I am glad you were able to disengage from her! I found myself with my eyes open this weekend, and not taking his "bait" when he set it out, again and again.

I hope to be able to say that I am "out" soon!!!