A few Narcissist jokes I found...
Posted 11 February 2008 - 08:09 AM
A narcissist is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house
What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being
My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God and I didn't
Posted 11 February 2008 - 10:56 AM
Answer: Put a mirror at the bottom of the swimming pool.
"What do you call a narcissist buried in sand up to his neck?"
A. A good start
B. Not enough sand
"Why won't a vampire attack a narcissist?"
Answer: Professional courtesy
These may have been posted before but I STILL laugh at them
Posted 11 February 2008 - 11:24 PM
"There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate."
"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"How does a narcissist sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other."
"How can you tell when a narcissist is lying? His lips are moving."
"What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a narcissist? An offer you can't understand."
"What is the difference between a catfish and a narcissist? One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker, and the other's just a fish."
"What do you call an honest narcissist? An impossibility."
"Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of narcissists? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met."
"What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being."
"Really, I'm the most appealing, sexy, charming, wonderful, most intelligent man walking the face of the earth. Ask all those b****es who left me!"
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex." The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks. The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love." The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?" The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love." The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?" The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love." The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex." "Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
A Ns wife goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 10 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Posted 11 February 2008 - 11:53 PM
A priest, a teacher, a millionaire, and a narcissist were golfing together.
As they walked the course, they came up behind a foursome that was moving very slowly, and that didn't offer to let them play through. Calling over the club pro, the foursome inquired about the poor sportsmanship of the slow group. The pro explained that the slow golfers were blind. The priest said, Oh, bless them, I will keep them in my prayers. The teacher said, I will tell my students how inspiring they are. The millionaire said, I will offer to pay their greens fees for the year. The narcissist said, Why can't they play at night?
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