Dear Dr. Irene,
I don't need an answer. Tough. You're getting
one. I had some great therapy years ago, so I can get this
back if I need it. I just want to thank you for this site, because I
didn't even know I was being verbally abused. Join
I even managed to get a chuckle, because I confronted the "better
half" with a porn web site and for one of the first times I saw him
react with anger. He can be so smooth, subtle and
condescending, with the help of our current therapist that I have really
bought into it's being me. Covert abuse.
I divorced a wife beater and my father was and is a bully, so I thought I
was pretty savvy at abuse tactics. Ha! Nope.
You just learned they were "normal." You know the ropes.
Anyhow, I figured if he was having cyber sex I could get cyber shrunk :) :)
It has taken me three days to get back on my feet mentally, and I wasn't
well enough to collect my thoughts so that I could rationally write to
you, and anyhow we are in therapy.........unfortunately with a therapist
unfamiliar with verbal abuse...... but, I started writing in a notebook
and after 2 days of rambling thoughts, feelings, etc. I wrote two columns:
What I'm getting/not getting out of this relationship - and the only
thing I came up with is that he cleans the litter boxes twice a week. Purrrr....
I gave this some more thought, slept on it, and yep! That's it right
now. So I'm selling my soul for clean cat boxes? Is this worth
it? Not hardly...... ME-ow!
I found your web site so helpful and I am so lucky. My children are
raised and gone. I have my own personal income. I have a car.
We own a house. I have a credit card and good credit. I'm
insured. So I can't clean the cat boxes? :)
Wonderful reality check. I'm still angry, but I'll get over it. You should be angry. Tip: good use of anger
is to use it to motivate you to change yourself, as you are doing; bad use
is to act out angrily towards him.
Thank you so much. Just knowing others are going through this is
uplifting. Some are so close to home that it hurts. And I
think I have the strength to go to therapy and say again, "Here's
what I am going through" and little Mr. Butter won't melt in
his mouth; he can take it or leave it. Being strong does not mean
I'm controlling. :) Telling him
my needs does not mean I am manipulative. :)
Telling him "no" does not mean I'm out of hormones. ME-ow!
I will get strong.
I will get better.
I will get healthy.
I will let go of my anger.
I will regain my sense of humor.
I will sleep better.
I will respect my feelings.
I will clean my own cat boxes.
Don't forget: I will not accept
abuse, overt or covert.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. You have helped me feel
the first self respect I've had in 5 years and I like being back here.
I will go slowly, tho.....
My best to Trubble
Dear LW, Thank you!
I am taking the liberty of writing
on behalf of the doc. Sounds to me like you are
in a really good place. You've identified the yukky, awful stuff you don't want to put up
with anymore. Good for you! Good for him! (Cuz its a wakeup call
asking him to become the best he can be.)
You're strong today (good use of your
anger!), but you'll feel yukky other days. Look at this page
whenever you feel un-OK. I'll be here to cheer you on!
Love and kisses, Trubble
Ps: You can clean my cat box
Now, I'll let all my fans say good,
encouraging and empowering stuff to you too!