May 28, 2000
Dear Dr Irene,
Just found your website. Quite
amazing. I almost married an abusive man. I had spent the
past year engaged to him playing the push/pull game.
We were engaged after six weeks
together - too quick, now I realize looking back - although I knew him
as a friend for a year before that. He bought me a new car in the first
month, expensive jewelry, blah blah. Thought I'd died and gone to
heaven. So did my female friends!! Then the verbal abuse and moods
began. I was not sexy enough, slim enough, he hated my daughter, I
was never 'there' for him, 'after all I've done for you', moody for days
on end over nothing, etc., etc.
Finally after 10 months of this,
all had been going well for a month or so - he wanted to postpone the
wedding. I said, " NOPE. You don't postpone a wedding
if you're unsure, you cancel it. Postponement is for broken legs
and death of relatives." Guess what? He didn't like it.
To cut a very long story short, I simply stopped playing. He kept
upping the ante - I'll withdraw financial support - I said, "OK."
I'm moving out - I said, "OK."
And then guess what? His moving out became MY FAULT!!
Before he left, he decided he
wanted everything he'd given me back, INCLUDING the car. I
wouldn't give him the car. I had sold mine, believing he GAVE it to me
as he went to great pains to tell me at the time. So, he brought 3 guys
around to my home and cleaned it out of all joint possessions.
What a sweetie.
I have the car and my engagement
ring, but that's about it. I slept on the floor for two weeks
until I bought another bed with borrowed money. Had one phone call
from him six weeks later threatening legal action if I did not give him
the car back within 7 days (he put it in my name) and not a word since.
That was three months ago. I got legal advice, he was told to back
off in no uncertain terms by my solicitor. This was a man I was
going to marry, who I thought loved me and cared about my well being.
I'm recovering well, and I hope I
never ever see him (or anyone REMOTELY like him!) again. Feel free
to post this on your site to help others if you wish. And thank
you for a great website.
All the best, Laura
Instead of incessantly giving in and giving the benefit-of-the-doubt,
you paid attention to your self. You challenged him and said
"no." Well, you lost the dream (i.e., nightmare) and you lost
the guy, but I sincerely think you saved your sanity and your
health. This guy would leave you in a gutter...
sending this note. God bless you. Dr. Irene