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Doc@DrIrene.com

Broken Engagement

Broken Engagement, Whewww

May 28, 2000

Dear Dr Irene,

Just found your website.  Quite amazing.  I almost married an abusive man.  I had spent the past year engaged to him playing the push/pull game. 
 

We were engaged after six weeks together - too quick, now I realize looking back - although I knew him as a friend for a year before that. He bought me a new car in the first month, expensive jewelry, blah blah.  Thought I'd died and gone to heaven.  So did my female friends!! Then the verbal abuse and moods began.  I was not sexy enough, slim enough, he hated my daughter, I was never 'there' for him, 'after all I've done for you', moody for days on end over nothing, etc., etc.  

Finally after 10 months of this, all had been going well for a month or so - he wanted to postpone the wedding.  I said, " NOPE.  You don't postpone a wedding if you're unsure, you cancel it.  Postponement is for broken legs and death of relatives."  Guess what?  He didn't like it.  To cut a very long story short, I simply stopped playing.  He kept upping the ante - I'll withdraw financial support - I said, "OK."

 

I'm moving out - I said, "OK."  And then guess what?  His moving out became MY FAULT!!  Incredible eh?

 

Before he left, he decided he wanted everything he'd given me back, INCLUDING the car.  I wouldn't give him the car. I had sold mine, believing he GAVE it to me as he went to great pains to tell me at the time. So, he brought 3 guys around to my home and cleaned it out of all joint possessions.  What a sweetie.

I have the car and my engagement ring, but that's about it.  I slept on the floor for two weeks until I bought another bed with borrowed money.  Had one phone call from him six weeks later threatening legal action if I did not give him the car back within 7 days (he put it in my name) and not a word since.  That was three months ago.  I got legal advice, he was told to back off in no uncertain terms by my solicitor.  This was a man I was going to marry, who I thought loved me and cared about my well being.  WRONG!!  haha!

 

I'm recovering well, and I hope I never ever see him (or anyone REMOTELY like him!) again.  Feel free to post this on your site to help others if you wish.  And thank you for a great website.
 
All the best,  Laura

Dear Laura,

Smart lady. Instead of incessantly giving in and giving the benefit-of-the-doubt, you paid attention to your self. You challenged him and said "no." Well, you lost the dream (i.e., nightmare) and you lost the guy,  but I sincerely think you saved your sanity and your health. This guy would leave you in a gutter...

Thanks for sending this note. God bless you. Dr. Irene