Sent: Saturday, July 31, 1999 11:09 PM
Subject: do the abusers
Robert is apparently smarter than I, as I waited
through years of hell until my wife left me. The rest of the story is
eerily familiar. Until this day, I did not recognize that I was
abused. I instead spent my time trying to live up to impossible
standards, meet impossible demands, being responsible for her emotions,
the while being told ad infinitum that I was abusive to her because I
didn't do... whatever it was that day.
I have been a salesman and manager for 20 years, I
have been in over 15,000 homes, and been rejected more often than not
(the nature of the business), I have owned several businesses of my own,
and started up more for others, I have been a bouncer and a bodyguard in
the past, I weigh 270 pounds, have broken a total of 13 bones in
different sports and activities, hold high belts in 2 forms of martial
arts, am an expert marksman, and once lifted the back end of a car off
I never thought of myself as "abusable".
I came to realize that I chose the path to toughness and strength
because of my experiences at the hands of an abusive stepfather, vowing
no one would ever treat me like that again... yet I have been hurt so
deeply and so completely for so long.
I have no idea (yet) how I missed the pain, and that I
was abused. I am grateful for the chance finding of your website (while
searching for a legal or psychological definition of abuse, to
"prove" yet again that I had not been so), and wished to tell
you, and your contributors, how incredibly much this new awareness means
to me and my future. THANK YOU!
Dear Sid, You missed the pain cuz you
are a guy and guys get special training in shut-down. Thank you for
writing. Your big, burly brothers out there need some validation - that
abuse can happen to them too...
Keep up the excellent progress. My
very best wishes, Dr. Irene