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How To Be Unhappy

How To Be Unhappy

by Unknown, as Contributed by GS

No good deed ever goes unpunished.
- Thomas Brooks

Updated October 13, 2002

Let's add to this neat list! Email your choice tidbit to tidbit@drirene.com! Please let me know if you want your name, initials, email, or no credit, if your phrase is added. Here's my addition:
Don't say what you mean. Don't mean what you say. Whatever you say, say it with anger. (Dr. Irene) 

Inspired by a phrase GS tacked onto the  bottom of the Unhappy list: "Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Whatever you say, say it with love." (The Moody Blues).

Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them.

Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost: don't put first things first.

Get yourself a good worry, one about which you cannot do anything.

Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness.

Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest. Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery.

Take personally everything that happens to you.

Don't give yourself wholeheartedly to anyone or anything.

Get rid of your sense of humor.  Life is very serious and you should take yourself seriously. (Gail)

Two words: self-pity and lots of it.  The whole world is definitely against you. (Gail)

Cultivate bad, addictive habits in yourself.  Drink a lot.  Smoke a lot. Eat a lot. (Gail)

Go silent whenever someone sparks up a conversation that you don't know about. Make sure to fidget, squirm, roll your eyes and bite your nails to the quick. Quickly change the subject at the first opportunity. (Nancy A Cara Sager)
Always build yourself up at the expense of others. Say things like "I could've told you that." (Nancy A Cara Sager)

You have the power to change other human beings. (Tammy McQuillan)

All people other than yourself are broken and You can fix them since you have Godly power.  (Tammy McQuillan)

You can fix another person, but you can't do squat about yourself.  (Tammy McQuillan)

Become irresistibly attracted to people who will never be there for you, on any level, ever.... (Sarah)

Never say "I'm sorry." (Nancy A Cara Sager)


Make sure you take things people say to you as an insult, and let them know it - especially if you know they didn't mean it that way!  (A. M. W.).

Ask for help from somebody who is unsuccessful 4 weeks before the most important exam of your life and then believe them when they say, "Nobody ever passes that exam" (PGM)

Remember every little wrong that has ever been done to you, real or imagined.  Gather those bad feelings & put them in a bag - it will be a large and heavy package.  Then drag that bag behind you everywhere you go for the rest of your life.  It is your ticket to unhappiness and your proof of how right you are about everything!  (TC)  

Scrutinize your partner's path with God and tell them what you see that they are doing wrong.  After all, God talks to you, therefore you know what is best for others where God is concerned. (Viv)
 
Make sure you vocalize your unhappiness to your loved ones, every day!  Share the wealth, take them with you! (Viv)
 
Say mean, hateful things about other people when they aren't around, but be nice to them when they are.  Be sure no one except your partner hears the words you speak. (Viv)
 
Tell your partner how much you can't wait to get rid of them and remove them from your life.  The next day, tell that same person how much you love them and how lucky you feel having being able to share your life with them. (Viv)

Yell, scream, and belittle your partner until they cry. Then smugly proclaim what a baby they are. (Tami)

Surround yourself with misogynistic alcoholics who cannot maintain a relationship. (Brigette C. Pepe)

 

"Don't ever let yourself feel pain or fear or sorrow. Instead, turn it instantly into anger, and then make sure to let your partner see that anger." (M.T.)

 
"Always remember that if your partner loves you, he or she can read your mind. There is never a need to share openly with them how you feel." (M.T.)
 
"Keep careful track of everything you do for your partner, and vice-versa. Remember, the person with the highest score loves the other the most. Be sure to keep your partner appraised of the score - especially when you are ahead." (M.T.)
 
"Believe every single negative thing anyone ever says about you. Forget about anything positive - they were obviously wrong!" (M.T.)
 
"Don't waste your time trying to better yourself. People that love you will obviously put up with anything you want to do. Instead, work diligently to change others - that is much more fun." (M.T.)
 
"Admitting you have a problem is the first, and a huge, step towards recovery. Be proud that you have the wonderful insight and honesty to admit you have a problem and stop right there. That should be plenty of work for anyone!" (M.T.)
 
"Surround yourself with only people that agree with everything you say. The last thing you need is contradictory opinions!" (M.T.)
 
"Don't think about your own flaws much at all - this only causes problems. After all, ignorance is bliss." (M.T.)
 
"Dwell on your flaws all the time. Never miss a chance to remind yourself that you are an imperfect person." (M.T.)
 
"Remember, home is where you can let your hair down and relax. No need to be polite and put your best foot forward at home. Save your best for the outside world." (M.T.)
 
M.T writes: That only took a few minutes! That can't be good! ha ha  Too bad that spotting negative behavior is oh so much easier than ridding oneself of it. Thanks MT! Dr. I

Refuse to be responsible. Let others, especially your wealthy parents, support you financially. That way it doesn't matter if you can't hold a job, can't get a credit card, can't get a checking account or can't balance a checkbook if you do somehow get one!  (Marji)

Go to work, and make up horrible things about your partner. When they give you advice on your lies, believe it. Pattern your behavior around it. Sunshine :o)

Get advice on your relationship from a family member who has repeatedly abused and abandoned you in the past. Sunshine :o)

Get angry when you are worried about your partner leaving, and then yell, scream, accuse and abuse them so they know how much they mean to you. Sunshine :o)

Go to jail for domestic violence on your Anniversary, Thanksgiving and Christmas in the same year, and then tell everyone how much YOU hate holidays.   Sunshine :o)  :)

Stop yelling and being angry all the time, because your wife is wise to it and has learned how to stop it.  Instead, sigh and moan and groan constantly when near her so she can't help but notice you now that you're being such a great guy. (Debi G.)

Make sure to put your wife into no win situations often, especially in front of the kids.  That way, no matter how she acts or reacts, she will look bad.  As a result, you look like the good guy. (Debi G.)

Spend as much time working as possible, since those are the people who admire you the most.  Then, when you're home, remind your family about how loved you are at work.  Remind them frequently that something must be wrong with all of them--everyone at work thinks you're the best. (Debi G.)

Tell your kids often how they could be the best athlete, best student, best everything if they would just work out, or study, or do everything just like you.  And when they don't do as you advise them, tell them what losers they are and will be. (Debi G.)

If you get angry about something be sure not to talk about the problem and to clear it up. Instead be vague and insist that there is no point in discussing it as it has been discussed a million times before but carry on about it and make sure it remains a problem. (a) 

Remember you are perfect. It is always the other person’s fault. (a)

Abuse with an Excuse: "I Did It Because I Love You".  (Wendy Russell)  

Always remember...when expressing sorrow for having hurt the one you love...do so by also explaining that had it NOT been for THEM...you COULD never...you WOULD never have committed such a horrendous act.  Frequent use of this method will not only guarantee your unhappiness as before long.....your spouse will start to respond!  Indeed!  Misery loves company so use this one to your advantage.  Soon.....no one will find reason to smile!      :o) or is that :o(    (Wendy Russell)
 
Always remember...words without actions are meaningless, therefore...strive to ensure continued contradictions between the two.  An increased state of confusion also increases the chances of UNhappiness.  It may take some time but nothing worth having comes withOUT a price!   (Wendy Russell)
 
If your spouse repeatedly attempts to explain the she's feeling alone, neglected, frightened, abandoned, ignored or dismissed entirely...take a few moments to demonstrate how much you REALLY care by either:  nodding your head, walking away, grunting or MY personal favourite, by falling asleep.  If she responds with anger and frustration or God forbid, she indicates that she's feeling deeply hurt.......express further concern by acknowledging that she clearly needs SOMEone to talk to.  If you truly love her, offer to find her a good therapist.  If after years of dealing with her constant expectations, her continued demands that if nothing else she deserves even a little respect...leave her...she's a b&%ch!  (Sorry Dr. I. - Couldn't resist)   (Wendy Russell)
 
Always remember...you can repeat the SAME promise over and over and over again but ONLY if you continually break the initial promise.  If confronted with this dilemma...never forget...it's not YOUR fault that someone ELSE'S behaviour compels YOU to act in ways that constantly force YOU to apologize.  This one is fun as it allows you...the one who repeatedly breaks promises...to demonstrate not only how intelligent you are but how incredibly righteous you are as well.  WOW!  You DO have a purpose!!!   (Wendy Russell)

" Be an emotional martyr! Wear a fake smile and never need help from anyone! That way you can feel justifiably angry when people think that you never experience any 'real problems'. Then one fine day, when you feel ready to spread your vitriol, unload your tales of woe on somebody who looks too happy for you to take. This works best when you have no intention of dealing with what ails you." (MB)

" 'It's not my fault. If only...' If only everybody did what you wanted, you would not be in such misery, so blame everybody else, blame everything else, blame it on Rio, the full moon, whatever, but it is not your fault. You are not accountable to anyone, not even yourself!" (MB)

"Resentment is a dish best served hot, swimming in a rich sauce of self-pity." (MB)

"Make this your mantra: Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, the world is against me! Say it enough, and you'll be darned if it weren't true!" (MB)

"Be inconsistent and unpredictable in your affection toward your spouse. They may never know if you truly love them, but at least they can't say you are boring." (MB)

Make everyone feel guilty for not giving you enough attention and praise.

Make your wife feel guilty for not constantly noticing you and admiring you.

Make your kids feel guilty for not saying "thank you" when you do things with them.

Let everyone know how lucky they are that you are in their presence.

If you're not entirely sure of the facts, make them up. Never, EVER user the phrase "I don't know." It is far more important to SOUND like an expert than actually to BE one. (RDA)
 

Scr** the other guy before he can scr** you. (RDA)

When your partner walks into the room looking great and gleaming, withhold all compliments and affection. Keep a stern expression and yell out a string of commands like: "Put your cup in the sink!", "Get that book off the TV.!", "Stop the dog from scratching!", "Hurry up! We're late!", "Get your keys; you're driving!"  (Bertha W.)

When you come home to the house beautifully clean and your wife obviously worked all day on it, and the wife greets you with a smile and dressed pretty, make sure you tell here that she didn't wipe down the light switches. (Bertha W.)

Have your wife always serve your dinner to you, and run constant errands for you like getting tools, or finding socks. THE FOLLOWING IS A CRUCIAL PART TO THE PLAN: Never wait on her. If she asks for you to make her a cup of tea tell, her she doesn't need it. Then when she refuses to wait on you until you reciprocate, make your own dinner.  NOTE: be sure to put on a big pathetic show of your actions while preparing you food. But never give  in to her demands. Your are the only one deserving of being waited on hand and foot. She is incapable of earning that right.  (Bertha W.)

Never work on your marriage, then blame your wife when she's had enough and seeks a divorce. (NW)


Insult your wife in front of the kids, then tell everyone and anyone who'll listen that she's trying to turn the kids against you. (NW)



Ignore your wife and then tell her that the relationship problems are all her fault because you aren't getting on. (NW)



Be nice to your wife only when you want something: money, sex help with your problems. As soon as you get what you want, go back to being nasty and cold towards her. (NW)



Constantly accuse her of cheating, then go join a couple of dating agencies so you can have her replacement ready when the relationship ends. (NW)



Make promises to take your wife out and do things together, then don't bother; the excuse being lack of money, no time, forgot.......place your own reasons here. (NW)



Throw tantrums when your wife refuses to go with you anywhere as the only reason you would have to invite her out in the first place is so that she can sit in the car where you can see her. (NW)



Isolate her from friends and family and when she complains that you two haven't spoken in months, tell her you're too busy working whilst what you're really doing is surfing. This way you remain in control of her time and yours. (NW)

True Story: Keep your partner at bay - quoting, "I need space and although you don't understand it, it's the only way I know how to deal with my worries. Furthermore, I can't be around anyone now; that drains me, so your feelings are unimportant."  Nevertheless, after 7 months of mixed messages of "Is there hope?" ,"Is there some reconciliation?",  after calling you and asking you for a favor, when he ready to discuss "us", he shouted out, "You're jealous, too emotional, and I 'm having sex with someone else."  There's one for you .   (TM)



 

More Fun Stuff: How-To-Be-Angry Affirmations

See I'll Never Be Happy

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