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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Abused Guy No More!

 Abused Guy No More!

“The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half- inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead.” - Robert Brault

December 23, 2002

Hello,

I was an abused guy!

Just a note of thanks.  I don't know if this will get back to you, but in case it does ..

I was in an abusive relationship for 13 yrs.  I am resilient, educated, philosophical, gentle, kind - I and expected to be rewarded with the same respect and kindness. I am a great ER doctor and had thought I was OK at psych issues ...... little did I know! 

The harder I tried, the worse it became.  I fortunately recognized the destructive dangerous activities and thoughts that grew the past 6 years.  Although it finally took 3 months  for the penny to drop.  Eventually I happened on your site and all fell apart, or actually fell into place!  :)

I left "home", battled my "giving up" guilt, was shut out of my house and heirlooms were nearly sold, the legal system let me down, and financially I took a huge hit.  But I found peace again. My ex-wife was a lawyer and used her skills to "win".  I am happy to say I explored the world and my mind.... and found peace and happiness.  I found a great psychologist/ psych professor (and a second opinion, just in case) and now enjoy work more, laugh more, a new "love," and the real me shines.

It has been quite the battle, but life is awesome.  

Your website is great.  I read your list of critical things and wrote them down and kept them in my wallet for about 9 months.  So many of them fit, it scared me ... and helped me stay focused on what I forced myself to believe as true.  And then I gradually began to know them as true and let down my vigilance.  I have tuned myself to red flags and smile now when I see them in myself or in others.  No better place than an ER (patients and staff alike).  It is now a source of health and joy to stay so tuned in!

I am from (a distant continent) and recently spent time with my "old friends" who were delighted to have me "back" after all these years!

I am at work now and just in a slow period and thought I would check your site for new things.  I hope you get this ... and if not, then maybe just the positive energy will get to you!

Best,
Evan

Dear Dr. Evan,

And "Best" to you too! As you see, your letter did get through to me - as did your positive energy "attachment." Just in time for the Holidays!

As you well know, being "too caring" certainly has nothing to do with one's education, socioeconomics, sex, brain power, or country of origin.  I'd like to thank you for taking the time to write and inspire other men in pain to persevere in helping themselves as well as to educate those people who believe that only women are the victims of abuse.

May 2003 bring you everything you want it to.

Warmly, Dr. Irene.