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8 J's May 31, 2000 Update

J's May, 2000 Update

A reader emailed asking what's new with J. I forwarded J the email, and here's the update J sent. For site newbies, J is a former client, a guy victim who now seems to be doing well with his beloved.  More power to you J! His 8-part saga, "A Guy's Love Addiction," starts here.  Dr. Irene

May 31, 2000 Updated December 9, 2000

As of early June, 2000, Yolanda and I will be together for 11 months, eclipsing by two months the longest consecutive amount of time we have spent together.  We had been talking about getting married for several months and decided that June 25 would be the best time for her family, as they would be coming to the United States in mid-June.  Everything has been fine with our relationship - as long as I remember to take care of myself first.  I have to always remember that I am very important and that my needs must be met or else this relationship will only be about Yolanda.  I must remember that Yolanda's MO is to get what she can from anyone, including the person she is with, so I have to be very careful that I get what I deserve. :)

Yolanda is a very good woman who has learned how to cope from her family and from her one relationship.  She has to learn how to have a good relationship with a good person.  She deserves to be happy and she deserves to be loved; she just doesn't always believe it or know how to attain it.  She has learned different schemas to deal with problems and relationships.  Sometimes she withdraws and becomes depressed due to whatever is on her mind, from her family problems to her daughter.  In many cases it has nothing to do with me.  We have learned to deal with so many things by saying, "OK, listen to me as my friend."  That seems to help a lot.  It temporarily takes away the relationship aspect.  I admit this in not an easy thing to do, but it helps.  Yolanda is more apt to open up and say what is on her mind if we do it that way. I think Yolanda is a very lucky girl...

I have also learned how to detach myself from our relationship when it suits my needs.  I no longer get upset for long periods or depressed because Yolanda is not behaving as I think she should.  After all, she is drastically different from me and I must take that into account.  That does not mean that I have to accept how she is behaving, but I just step back and allow her to work it out.  She usually comes around sooner than later. :) 

I am happy with Yolanda.  She is definitely a very quirky, strange woman, but I love her dearly and I know that I will never meet another woman like this.  I know she is going to drive me nuts at times, but I also know that I cannot live without her and I want to start a life with her.  She is my friend, woman, and partner and I plan to be married to her forever.  I know that I will always be a great partner to Yolanda because I want to make her happy and I want to go through the rest of my life with her.  I know it will be pretty thrilling, exciting, and scary riding with Yolanda, but I like roller coasters.
Thanks Irene,

Love, "J"

Dear J,

Good stuff! You learned your lessons well. You are happy. You are taking care of yourself. You are getting what you want. This is music to my ears. I love happy endings! 

God bless you kiddo. Thank you for responding to this individual's request for an update. Thank you for having let me into your life. Irene  

Dear Readers, no promises that J will log on and comment, but feel free to post your comments on this individual's difficult, but ultimately rewarding, saga. This is truly an amazing story! (Ps: Dear "Yolanda" - I'd love to hear from you too...)

12/9/2000

I received a Christmas card yesterday... From J & Yolanda. They were married last June, living happily ever after.

CONGRATULATIONS!

I want to read the posts.

April, 2001: J's 2001 Update

Courtesy of  J and Dr. Irene Matiatos copyrite.gif (84 bytes)2000 T