How to get Dr. Irene's Advice: Look here!

Ask The Doc Board

The CatBox Archives

 

(Archives)

4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

7 J's Update, Fall 1999

 J's Update, Fall 1999

by J

Never heard of "J"? Then  start at the beginning. Hopefully, this is the end!

September 15, 1999

For your site......

I had broken up with Yolanda in January, 1998.  It was not my decision to break up, even though I could see that it wasn't working out at all.  Yolanda wasn't treating me with any respect or decency.  She was doing everything in her power to keep me away from her, even though I was being very good to her, as usual. 

I spent the next year and a half without talking to Yolanda except for two brief conversations in May of 1998.  She wound up working elsewhere. I didn't see her very much from Sept to July.   In June I found out that Yolanda would be working in the same building as I, so there was a chance of confrontation, although I really felt I didn't want anything to do with her then or ever again.  My feelings got the best of me when I saw her several times walking around the school and around the neighborhood as I was driving home. 

One day I pulled up alongside Yolanda and asked her how her daughter was doing.  That opened the floodgates to a conversation, then another, then another.  Pretty soon we were back to where we were before, although something seems different with Yolanda this time around. 

It's in her kiss.  It's in her hugs.  It's in the way she speaks to me.  It's in the way she speaks to others about me.  Yolanda is a different woman.  I think she has matured a lot and that she is finally ready for a relationship with me.  She regrets what had transpired in the past.  She didn't want to rush anything because she wanted this to be the last time we were together again.  This time she says she will not make a rash decision.  This time she wants me to stay with her through it all.  I may sound like a complete fool by saying this, but I think we are going to be together after all.  

We have discussed plans to get married in April or in the summer.  Of course this is all based on how Yolanda feels through the winter, a season which is historically bad for her.  There is also a difference in me.  I feel I am more mature and more ready to handle this relationship. I will not allow Yolanda or any woman to walk all over me.  I have to look out for myself first, and my daughter second.  I cannot hurt the delicate balance with my daughter.  

I need to take other things into consideration this time around.  I actually believe in Yolanda and I think she is going to make a great wife for me someday very soon, but I am also keeping my eyes open for any signs of the old Yolanda.  If I see something I do not like, I will tell her.  I have done that already and it has worked out much better.  Now you got the idea!

My advice to anyone involved in this type of relationship is to either hang in there and suffer often or bail out and find someone who is more ready for a relationship.  Yolanda needs time.  I still feel she is worth the effort, so I am hanging in there and waiting for  her.  It will not be the easiest of relationships, but everything which is worth it is worth the investment of time.  I hope this pays off for me.  If it doesn't, I think I am better equipped to handle failure.  I worked on myself first and I am a better person for it.  Now I am better able to love someone else.   -J

Dear J,

My very best wishes to the two of you. Keep up the good work and never let anyone mistreat you again!  Thanks for the update.  Irene

See J's May, 2000 Update here!


Courtesy of J  and Dr. Irene Matiatos, copyrite.gif (84 bytes)1999 The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the authors at  DrIrene@drirene.com.